Clarity comes when we Suck it Up!

Vacuuming....I don't like it.  Really I just don't like cleaning my house in general.  I grew up cleaning offices with my Mom on the weekends for money, and then when I went to Junior High I started mowing lawns, while my sister cleaned.  It is not that I am lazy, it is just in my mind cleaning the house has now taken on a different meaning.  Before it was a means to an end.  In high school I have very vivid memories of putting off mowing the back lawn until the last possible minute.  I mean, who wouldn't...I lived near Houston on the bayou where it feels like 90 degrees year round.  Anyway, I would still be riding the lawn lower when my date would show up and sit around with my parents, all just watching me work while they got caught up.  At the end of my job, I had something to look forward to, and to be honest my sister and I took alot of pride in our lawn mowing abilities.

Now though, as a stay-at-home mom I do not see much of a reward.  I am walking around picking up after my kids and husband, thinking "are you freaking kidding me?  I am not a maid!"  No in truth, my husband helps ALOT around the house, but he always wants a clean house.  Somehow I gave birth to two pigpens (you know from Charlie Brown) who think there is a bell attached to their finger that they can ring and I will come running!  As I pick up and vacuum, pure resentment for my lot in life and total disrespect of my job as a mother rushing through me.....Clarity hits in the form of a vacuum.  Just "Suck it Up!"  Clean up the mess, pray over the house, have a conversation with the kids of how their indifference makes me feel.  

I have been loosing myself in books over the last 18 months and I finally realize I have been cowering to my family, and wallowing in self destructive thoughts of how I feel negated and unhonored in my own home.  It hit me....my reading has become my GIANT "screw you family....do it on your own" coping mechanism (yes, I am high in the running for wife and mother of the year in case your were wondering!)  Who does that?  I totally went passive aggressive on my family, just like that Cheeto on the couch that somehow finds a crevasse behind the cushion, and magically lands under the couch for years to come (oh...you might clean under your sofa more than I do...I digress.)

Conversations take a lot of energy for me.  It takes work to move the couch and suck up that Cheeto, but if left alone it will slowly decay.  Words and thoughts are like that for me.  My mind is constantly having conversations with myself, my friends, my husband...I project upon them what I think they may say....I am pretty sure I have had a discussion for world peace and solved the problem in my head on the way to the store.  The problem is I leave those discussions in my head and some cause decay.  I have not had the tough conversations with my family...

Matthew 5:24 : Leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come present your offering.

My Translation "Suck it up Girl".....Talk to your kids then I will restore gratefulness to your heart when it comes to serving them

Romans12:17 - Do not repay anyone evil for evil.  Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone.

My Translation "Suck it up Girl"....ignoring my kids and husband with my nose in a book does not fix the problem...I may even be prolonging and adding to the problem

Romans 12:18 - If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

My Translation "Suck it up Girl" - Conversations about my own needs and desires with my family can be peaceful and not confrontational / stressful

So....my Clarity comes again with daily chores...what ever works these days!  I won't complain...I did see my daughter actually using the pooper scooper the other day in our backyard! "Mom, I scooped the poop for you," she called out....ahhhhhh, sweeter words have never been spoken!